Dealing with Conflict

“Leadership equals servant hood” Lesson #2

Roy DeLaGarza

Intro:

                Anytime there is more than one person involved in any group, activity or function there is the potential for conflict. Therefore, we must understand how conflicts arise and how a leader should deal with it. The goal of a leader is to diffuse conflict so as not to let it be an obstacle to the aims and goals of the group.

  The leaders role in conflict should be: To diffuse, minimize the effect and stop conflict as soon as possible.

  1.    Conflicts cannot be avoided:

a.     Even people close to the Lord enter into conflict with one another. Example: Mark 9:33-37.

                                                             i.      This conflict among the disciples arose from their discussion of who was to be the greatest. (Most important.

                                                          ii.      Notice Jesus did not get into their discussion. He waited until the right moment to deal with them and instruct them. He waited till their time of heated discussion was over and in a relaxed manner taught them.

                                                       iii.      He taught them the attitude of a servant. According to Jesus, this is the most important attribute of a leader.

b.    It is important to note that conflicts are part of life and cannot be avoided. We can however stop their destructive tendencies.

c.     Luke 17:1 – Jesus said, “It is impossible but that offences come” In teaching his disciples he let them know that it is part of living.

d.    “…but woe to him from whom they come.” This was his way of telling them not to be the offenders. There is indeed a judgment upon those who offend others. This judgment should come from God not from us.

  2.    How Misunderstanding become great Battles:

(Read 2 Samuel 10:1-7) – This was one of the misunderstandings that became one of the bloodiest battles and could have been avoided if only the leaders would have reacted differently to their conflict.

a.     David’s Kindness was misjudged. This is often at the root of many conflicts.  Have you ever been misjudged? It is an ugly feeling isn’t it? That’s why the bible says, “Judge not that ye be not judged”. (Read Matthew 7:1-4) – Romans 14:12-13

  3.    Hunan’s Big Mistakes:

Here are some of what Hunan did wrong that brought about this great conflict. Let us learn from his mistakes so that we don’t make these same mistakes.

a.     Bad advisors.  Hunan’s advisors gave his wrong advice! David genuinely sent his condolences because of the death of his father. Hunan’s advisors said they were spies.

b.    Be careful whom you hear. Not everyone you trust is right in his or her judgments. Some people may be sincere, yet sincerely wrong.

§       They were living in the past. Although it is true, Hunan’s father and David had battles long before, those had long been settled and their was peace between the two kingdoms.

§       Maybe they wanted to fight. Some people simply enjoy a good fight. Conflict fuels the personalities of some people and they look for battles.

§       Maybe they wanted to assert their authority. Some people enjoy using their authority for reasons of personal gain.

c.     Hunan did not Investigated thoroughly.  Leaders have a responsibility to investigate the facts and people involved before making a decision.

d.    Hunan reacted too quickly. Wisdom takes its’ time before rushing to judgment.

§       Don’t be moved by emotion.  If you get emotionally altered, wait until you calm down before reacting. Remember the bible tells us not to give place to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26-27)

e.     Hunan Over-reacted. What he did was a little extreme. Never try to make someone else look bad. Remember to keep their self worth intact as much as possible. Embarrassing someone is never the answer. Remember, whatever you sow, you will also reap.

  Conclusion:

                Remember the golden rule in dealing with conflict. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Don’t let conflict turn into an ugly battle. Diffuse it with wisdom.